pieweevil: uh... there was this guy, and he, uh.. he was, uh, insane... this one time, he went to this place, and the guy said, we don't serve insane people. and he said, you gave me a sandwich last time! and the guy says, no, you tried to steal a sandwich, and i had to break your legs! so the insane guy said, 
You'll all burn in hell! and he walks out and he meets a guy, and he says, they won't let me buy a sandwich! and the guy on the street says, well, because you're insane, i'll give you a sandwich. so the insane guy starts to eat the sandwich, and he's REAL happy, and then he says, hey, this sandwich tastes like poison! and the guy on the street says, astute observation! and the insane guy dies, and the other guy steals his five bucks. keep in mind, this is the land of mean stupid people who deserve to die. that's actually the name of their country. so, the guy says, haha, you ate the poisoned sandwich, but all of a sudden, 
a bleach truck goes by, and some bleach falls of and it lands in the guys eyes and he runs around screaming, clawing at his eyes... and then he finds out he's blind, so he takes the 5 dollars (it was in coins) and he puts it in a cup. then he sits down wearing a raggedy blanket asking people for money cuz he's blind and all. and this one guy walks buy, and he's like, no thanks i don't want a drink, but then he sees it's full of money, so he takes it all.  ...and then he goes to his friend and says, You'll never believe what happened to me! and his friend asks, you were eaten by a cow? and he says, no, this blind guy offered me a drink, but the cup was full of coins - i'm rich, i think i should buy a sandwich! 
at which point he sees the poisoned sandwich on the ground, and as he's about to eat it, his friend goes, don't eat that, it's poisoned!  and he goes, thanks! so he tosses it over his shoulder into the blind guys lap, and the blind guy goes, it's a miracle! and he eats it and dies instantly. and teh guy sees this, cuz it was a really loud death, and he goes, wow, taht's too bad... but at least i still have my 5 bucks in coins!  and his friend goes, no you don't!  and he shoots him in the kneecaps with a potato gun, and the guy says, ow, that was a potato gun!  and then the friend says, whoops, my bad, and he pulls out a shotgun and shoots the other guy in teh chest and he goes, NOOOOOOOoooooo and goes flying off into the distance because he had a steel plate on, so the bullets just pushed him really far.  
so the friend is standing there, picking up the guys 5 bucks in coins, when all of a sudden, an 18 wheeler comes and hits him and he dies instantly and the truck screeches to a halt and the driver gets out and he goes, Oh my god! I killed hi-hey, five bucks!  so he picks up the five bucks and starts to drive.  and he's going cross country to deliver his highly flammable, asbestos coated childrens toys to the needy in florida and he's going through new mexico (despite the fact taht he actually started in florida and only needed to drive a few miles) and he sees these kids playing flaming gopher ball, a popular sport in new mexico.  
so he stops to watch, and he's sitting on top of his truck to get a better view, far out of the range of the gopher.  ...but it turns out the kids are actually playing with a flaming ferret, who is much lighter and prone to flying farther, and one of the kids smacks the ferret as hard as he can, and it goes flying all the way to the truck and it lands inside the large trailer filled with flammable childrens toys and colombian drugs and mexican refugees and stockbrokers and santa clause.  and they see the ferret and they know the toys are flammable, so in unison they scream FU!  but they don't get to add the CK, 
cuz the truck explodes, and the truck driver is disintegrated, but his 5 bucks in coins goes flying into the air and it starts to rain on the field, and the kids dance in the money storm... but several of the coins get lodged in the kids foreheads and they scream in agony... but it turns out that santa clause managed to escape the truck, because he bought a flame retardant suit at JCPenney, so he rides his sleigh over to the gulley where the kids were playing and he says, such a shame, to see them writhing in agony... and being such a kind soul, he takes their money, goes to a Rite-Aid, buys them band-aids and neosporin, goes back, gives them the band-aids and neosporin, nurses each one back to health, then cooks them all in a pie.  of course, such cruelty to children does not go unnoticed. 
so godzilla and his legion of coin followers destroy the world, but right before everything goes boom, godzilla and his followers convert to raelianism and aliens pick them up and the world explodes.  but one of the coins from the original 5 dollars goes flying through space, cracks the flame retardant windshield of the spaceship that the aliens got from car max, and then everybody gets sucked into space, except godzilla, who has such a fat ass, it gets caught in the wide berth of teh windshield, and he says, thank god for not being on jenny craig! but then he eats the sumptuous feast that has been left out for him and he dies of indigestion. that's the real end of the story. THE END